Monday

Call of Juarez – Bound in Blood

Filed under PC

The Call of Juarez – Bound in Blood is a fantastic adventure told with stunning graphics, rich characters and an in depth plot line that draws you in and involves you from the first moment until the last. It’s a stellar achievement that will be remembered as one of the great games of all time. That’s what I’d be saying if this game had been released in 1999. Unfortunately it’s 2009 and well, this game sucks.

First off let me mention that I played this on the PC, when clearly it’s a console game at heart. That might have some bearing on why the suck is turned up so high, and the good is turned down so very low. I’m giving it a break there, there’s really no excuse for this pile of horseshit. Let’s look at the good points however, as there are a few of them.

Very fast install time : I know, I’m reaching here but it installed quickly. That’s good isn’t it?
Very fast loading : The game loads really fast, that’s got to be a plus. Unfortunately you actually have to play it afterward but still.
Very high frame rates : Frame rates are through the roof at max settings, that must count for something.
Potentially interesting time period : Yes, this is like saying “the blind date I set up for you is potentially attractive”. Unmet potential is about as useful as a hooker in a Buddhist monastery.

I’m afraid that’s all I can think of. I’ve got a list of bad things a mile long, but here’s a short version as I’ve already spent too much time thinking about this damned game.

Lousy level design : Some games are open (like ArmA2) and some are linear (like CoD4). Either one can be good, provided the area is set up well and is actually an enjoyable place in which to kill people. In every single way that CoD4’s levels were excellent, Call of Juarez’s levels absolutely suck. I’ll leave it at that.
Lousy play mechanics : Left click to shoot your left pistol, right click to shoot the right pistol. I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it. Then there’s this Z-key mini game shooty thing called “concentration mode” which sounds like something from a game show but is only half as interesting. Basically, if you shoot enough bad guys you get “concentration points” (or something) such that when you come across a group of bad guys you hold Z down then rapidly click as may as you can in a given time. When the timer runs out your character automatically shoots everyone you targeted rapid-fire style, with no chance of missing. All this does is take a potentially challenging encounter, and turns it into a clicky-mini-game. Whoever thought this was a good idea needs to be pistol-whipped with the Z key.
Lousy characters : The lead characters are Dean (I think) and his brother… er… Frank? I honestly can’t remember, that’s how much they stood out. Something about a family “torn asunder” pitting brother against brother over a woman. Or land. Or the civil war? I don’t know, and nothing I saw while playing made me care in the slightest. I still remember Gaz and Price from CoD4 though. Those guys were awesome. There’s the difference.

I can’t even write about this anymore. Again, if this game had been released as-is in 1999 it would be sensational. As it stands I’d rather play monopoly, which has better play mechanics and far more interesting characters. Who can forget the thimble? I love that guy.