Thursday

PC

Steam : Total War

Ever wonder why they called it “Steam“? I maintain it’s short for steaming, as in steaming pile of poo. Here’s my install process from my first Empire Total War go ’round just after released.

• Install from purchased discs, restart steam for update… game no longer in games list despite files being present.
• Delete files, re-install from disc… game files dumping onto my desktop for some reason. Cancel, clean up.
• Re-install from disc. Game now playable, but will not connect for updates through steam rendering MP unjoinable. Uninstall.
• Re-install from disc. Same problem as above. Uninstall.
• Install from web download through Steam. Game would not load past logo screen. (screen would flicker black/white lines right after game cursor appear). Uninstall.
• Ignore the entire thing for a week out of pure frustration.
• Delete game files, wipe game completely from system and registry.
• Re-install from disc…. GAME WORKS, AND IS UPDATED THROUGH STEAM. Six installs later. Seriously.

As it happens ETW didn’t turn out to be worth the effort of one install much less six, and when I updated from Win XP to Win 7 awhile back ETW was one of the few things I let go away. I felt good about it too. Being the glutton for punishment that I am however, I’m now considering reinstalling the damned thing. Why? I have no idea, but the promise of yet another patch (1.4) in the near future has me hopeful.

See, there’s a rumor that 1.4 will contain the co-op multiplayer aspect that was talked about by the developers since before release. It went from something that would be in the box to something that would be “released later, trust us”. Yeah. Co-op MP was one of the main reasons I bought this game, and frankly I can’t believe I fell for the scam. Not only was the game a pain in the ass to install (see above), and not as good out of the box as I’d hoped… it still doesn’t have the co-op aspect I was originally interested in. Those guys should get into used-car sales.

The next time a Total War game is released I’m mailing the developers $10 and demanding a copy of the game, I’ll promise to send them the difference “later” sometime. Unless Steam is involved somehow, in that case they can shove it.